Ripped Off ...

The most pathetic thing about a software guy in bangalore is that he has lots of cash to dispense but no time for the same, so he lives life king size whenever he can. An ideal IT bachelor nerd slogs his ass off for 12 hrs a day and lives off McD's and pizza huts junk food. On weekends starts off with a home delivery of Dominos giving a whole new meaning to bed n breakfast, culminating into a greasy sweaty mess. Here in this case it doesnt even help if u have a girlfriend or not, because that would mean if not in bed (hoping that the landlords do not allow entry to GF's) then its the outlet in forum. Instead i think it gets worse with the couples hanging around all food joints [have u ever wondered why couples do not hang out at a joggers park, running together spending some quality time sweating n staying in shape,Off course not !!! my god if thats ur idea of a date and not hanging out in McD or PVR with burgers and popcorns then that certainly explains why u r single!!!]-(i know the brackets n detours r getting on ur nerve but what the heck i am the one who is in control so just read on) puttin the weight together (poking each other about weight problems is the sweetest game couples indulge in, they wouldnt want to be in shape just because if they do that then they are hardly left with anythin to do!!! ).
Ya so i will come back to the bachelor IT guy/gal[let me ensure u that i am not an MCP and here onwards when i say guy it means a human being in general] nerdo who doesnt have a GF/BF, [when u start looking for sales offers like one i came across sometime back, it was Wrangler or Lee (not sure which one) they offerred discounts depending on waist size, "if u have a waist of 44 u get a 44% discount and so forth". Imagine ur obsession with discounts, thinking in mind damn it would have been a steal if i could have made that extra 2%].

So the person is left with 2 options

1. To renounce junk food and beer[I am sure the first option hasnt even crossed minds of the guy who is naive enough not to realize that this would be the cheaper and painless option]
2. VLCC [Ya this was the most intelligent way out n maybe painless too but then u think common who needs whatever they offer there at 20,000 for 10 kgs loss, "mard ban yaar" calls out the inner voice, u can burn it out the natural way so u opt for option 3]
3. Join gym [U r further motivated at the thought of sexy girls sweating it out in tight gymwear, maybe u end up with a hot instructor(easiest way to come in contact with a hot girl, if u r one of those loser kinds): The Real reason u went with option 3]

So the guy goes to the expert friend who is hitting the gym day in n day out with a vengeance, goes to a total rip fitness with him and enrolls himself for a "Personnel workout session Package" which comes with an instructor free of cost [ya thats actually a discount offer (i can see some gleaming eyes there)].
The first day in GYM (oops u r corrected by the instructer u r in a "total rip fitness institute"), at first sight u see huge muscular guys with amazing physique, admiring them (blurred pics of urs with ur head n their bodies pop up in ur mind) and think that all the hot girls must be hiding behind them. Suddenly the truth dawns upon u , the muscular guys r the instructors , when the greek god like instructors moved out of ur line of sight, there were the mere mortals in all their human forms how should i delicately put the description of those gym beauties "They were FAT" , they were anything but normal women in trendy outfits, designer wears (doesnt matter if those waist sizes where manufactured clearly on demand) with make up. U r dissapointed and but still u manage a smile thinking after all they have joined the "total rip fitness institute" to get back in shape and being an account holder of ShareKhan, u know market investments do pay dividends in the long run [so invest in those to be hotties in gym n when the "to be" becomes "become" , reap the dividends]. Dazed from the initial shock u look for ur instructor (ya the free one), he turns out to be the god of greek gods and u blurt out "What do u ?? How do u ?? Where do u ?? " a little gayish for the first words to ur instructor, dont u think?.
He makes out that u r new to the gym n tells u to warm up [no the instructor wasnt gay , he meant 10 mins of jogging to loosen the body muscles ] , u finish off the jogging enthusiastically and as soon as u finish instead of catching a breath or two u run to the instructor (remember in kindergarten when u solved a question n ran to ur teacher). He feels a threat that u r in a mood to stay in gym, so gives u the royal treatment!!. The instructor makes u do 100 sit ups gives u credit for 60, while doing crunches he says common man one more set , u sum up all ur strength and make it happen and he says "one more", u ask "is this the last one" and he says "yes it is" and then he says "one more" , makes u cry with only their words thats their real super power. The really low moment comes when when a women nearby does 20 bench press and u manage(with great difficulty) to do 5. Finally the day comes to an end thats when u notice that ther r a few hot girls around, instructors r busy stretching them out sexual tension lingering between them[makes u wanna be an instructor deep inside].
U convince urself that first week is the hardest, if i can scrap through it i will get along. Next day morning when u get up the pain makes u finally conclude that the whole idea to pay someone to make them make u lift weights is pretty stupid.
After a day u can lift the spoon to ur mouth(only 24 hrs u were spoon fed by ur roomie, not bad for the IRONMAN)
After 2 days u can move ur legs and lift ur arms till shoulder height.
After a week u realize that Yes "first week is the hardest", because it takes at least a week to fully recuperate from the intial days onslaught, then the life just gets back to normal, being the mere mortal that we are we surely should not aspire to be a demigod.
And now for the title of the blog even though they couldnt rip off the fat from my body, i still got ripped off my hard earned IT cash.