Ripped Off ...

The most pathetic thing about a software guy in bangalore is that he has lots of cash to dispense but no time for the same, so he lives life king size whenever he can. An ideal IT bachelor nerd slogs his ass off for 12 hrs a day and lives off McD's and pizza huts junk food. On weekends starts off with a home delivery of Dominos giving a whole new meaning to bed n breakfast, culminating into a greasy sweaty mess. Here in this case it doesnt even help if u have a girlfriend or not, because that would mean if not in bed (hoping that the landlords do not allow entry to GF's) then its the outlet in forum. Instead i think it gets worse with the couples hanging around all food joints [have u ever wondered why couples do not hang out at a joggers park, running together spending some quality time sweating n staying in shape,Off course not !!! my god if thats ur idea of a date and not hanging out in McD or PVR with burgers and popcorns then that certainly explains why u r single!!!]-(i know the brackets n detours r getting on ur nerve but what the heck i am the one who is in control so just read on) puttin the weight together (poking each other about weight problems is the sweetest game couples indulge in, they wouldnt want to be in shape just because if they do that then they are hardly left with anythin to do!!! ).
Ya so i will come back to the bachelor IT guy/gal[let me ensure u that i am not an MCP and here onwards when i say guy it means a human being in general] nerdo who doesnt have a GF/BF, [when u start looking for sales offers like one i came across sometime back, it was Wrangler or Lee (not sure which one) they offerred discounts depending on waist size, "if u have a waist of 44 u get a 44% discount and so forth". Imagine ur obsession with discounts, thinking in mind damn it would have been a steal if i could have made that extra 2%].

So the person is left with 2 options

1. To renounce junk food and beer[I am sure the first option hasnt even crossed minds of the guy who is naive enough not to realize that this would be the cheaper and painless option]
2. VLCC [Ya this was the most intelligent way out n maybe painless too but then u think common who needs whatever they offer there at 20,000 for 10 kgs loss, "mard ban yaar" calls out the inner voice, u can burn it out the natural way so u opt for option 3]
3. Join gym [U r further motivated at the thought of sexy girls sweating it out in tight gymwear, maybe u end up with a hot instructor(easiest way to come in contact with a hot girl, if u r one of those loser kinds): The Real reason u went with option 3]

So the guy goes to the expert friend who is hitting the gym day in n day out with a vengeance, goes to a total rip fitness with him and enrolls himself for a "Personnel workout session Package" which comes with an instructor free of cost [ya thats actually a discount offer (i can see some gleaming eyes there)].
The first day in GYM (oops u r corrected by the instructer u r in a "total rip fitness institute"), at first sight u see huge muscular guys with amazing physique, admiring them (blurred pics of urs with ur head n their bodies pop up in ur mind) and think that all the hot girls must be hiding behind them. Suddenly the truth dawns upon u , the muscular guys r the instructors , when the greek god like instructors moved out of ur line of sight, there were the mere mortals in all their human forms how should i delicately put the description of those gym beauties "They were FAT" , they were anything but normal women in trendy outfits, designer wears (doesnt matter if those waist sizes where manufactured clearly on demand) with make up. U r dissapointed and but still u manage a smile thinking after all they have joined the "total rip fitness institute" to get back in shape and being an account holder of ShareKhan, u know market investments do pay dividends in the long run [so invest in those to be hotties in gym n when the "to be" becomes "become" , reap the dividends]. Dazed from the initial shock u look for ur instructor (ya the free one), he turns out to be the god of greek gods and u blurt out "What do u ?? How do u ?? Where do u ?? " a little gayish for the first words to ur instructor, dont u think?.
He makes out that u r new to the gym n tells u to warm up [no the instructor wasnt gay , he meant 10 mins of jogging to loosen the body muscles ] , u finish off the jogging enthusiastically and as soon as u finish instead of catching a breath or two u run to the instructor (remember in kindergarten when u solved a question n ran to ur teacher). He feels a threat that u r in a mood to stay in gym, so gives u the royal treatment!!. The instructor makes u do 100 sit ups gives u credit for 60, while doing crunches he says common man one more set , u sum up all ur strength and make it happen and he says "one more", u ask "is this the last one" and he says "yes it is" and then he says "one more" , makes u cry with only their words thats their real super power. The really low moment comes when when a women nearby does 20 bench press and u manage(with great difficulty) to do 5. Finally the day comes to an end thats when u notice that ther r a few hot girls around, instructors r busy stretching them out sexual tension lingering between them[makes u wanna be an instructor deep inside].
U convince urself that first week is the hardest, if i can scrap through it i will get along. Next day morning when u get up the pain makes u finally conclude that the whole idea to pay someone to make them make u lift weights is pretty stupid.
After a day u can lift the spoon to ur mouth(only 24 hrs u were spoon fed by ur roomie, not bad for the IRONMAN)
After 2 days u can move ur legs and lift ur arms till shoulder height.
After a week u realize that Yes "first week is the hardest", because it takes at least a week to fully recuperate from the intial days onslaught, then the life just gets back to normal, being the mere mortal that we are we surely should not aspire to be a demigod.
And now for the title of the blog even though they couldnt rip off the fat from my body, i still got ripped off my hard earned IT cash.

12 Hrs or 180 degrees

Life of a Software Professional (devloper, bachelor, living in bangalore, India)
8:30 am - Alarm Rings
8:31 am - Alarm clock flys across the room to the other end
8:35 am - Drags himself out of the bed
8:40 am - Bathroom details would be vulgar at such respected blogspot
9:00 am - drive to office(most probably on a second hand bike remember he is a devloper and a bachelor), shouts a few obscenities at his fellow drivers in the heavy traffic whn he hits or bumps another vehicle.
9:30 am - Enter cafeteria (off course this is the first place u visit in office) [oily puri or iddli dosa and tea]
10:00 am - Start with reading mails (official, unofficial(fwds, love mails frm distant girlfriends) , scraps(orkut facebook n ten othr social sites)[dissapointment - only 5 scraps from the last time u logged out at midnight]
10:30 am - US Boss pings u , tells u to join a call (u wonder about his capacity to work, always in awe of his dedication to work)
11:30 am - still on call with boss, discussion shifts to the various agendas for the day
12:00 noon - the call comes to an end. A bug has been reported by QA (boss says high priority).
12:30 pm - u r frantically searching for the QA guy (off course he wont be online, off to lunch probably). since u decide u cant proceed (as the steps to reproduce the bug is written in some sort of cryptic QA shorthand u cant decipher), u open ur orkut account n timepass.
1:00 pm - still no sign of the QA guy, u decide its time for ur lunch
2:00 pm - At last both the QA and devloper are online, together they sync up and try to reproduce the bug.
3:00 pm - bug not reproducible. Closed as "Not Reproducible".
3:30 pm - bug reopened by another QA guy.
4:00 pm - another frantic search for the QA guy (not online), after lingering around for some time u move to the TT room. Lucky ! u find the guy there, since u r frustrated u challenge him for a game ( the bet being u win he closes the bug and reopens it after 2 days). U loose ! u argue it was best of 3, U loose all 3.[the QA guy has been practising 3 hrs daily while u hardly get an hr ]
5:00 pm - The same bug is somehow now reproducible.
6 pm - 10 pm -U work ur ass off trying to apply all the software knowledge frm the memory bank of ur brain. [meanwhile since u have stayed late ordered for extra large pizza with double cheese layers, make sure u got the bill and submit it for reimbursement benifits].
10:30-11:00pm - Ur US boss joins u, both try to debug together.
11:30 pm - US boss decides too much to handle, if it can be somehow reproduced in older versions of product lets close as the base bug (not part of our enhancement so does not come in our queue) [Close as Not Applicable ]
12:00 midnight - a silent drive back home unlike the one in morning since the roads are deserted.
12:30 am - hit the sack.


Life of a US Software Professional ( technical manager, married, lives in CA,US)
[lets start the schedule from his night to be in sync with the guy in India, lets assume an exact 12 hrs difference]
10:30 pm - fought with wife , on the couch (thrown out from bedroom), no sleeping pills decides to talk to his team in india.
11:30 pm - tell the team in india how important deadlines are and how important it is for his career that the team meets those deadlines ( small talk here n there about an appraisal to kep the team motivated)
12:00 midnight - finds a bug that was in queue for a week , assigns it to the indian guy with high priority. pops in 2 sleeping pills
12:30 am - hits the sack (slang for bed , here means the couch)
8:30 am - wife knocks him off the couch
9:00 am - has a breakfast of cereals and freshly cut vegetables
9:30 am - drops wife to her office
10:00 am -reads mails
10:30 am - joins the indian guy to debug the issue
11:30 am - frustrated , decides too much to handle, if it can be somehow reproduced in older versions of product lets close as the base bug (not part of our enhancement so does not come in our queue) [Close as Not Applicable ]
12:00 noon - lunch
2:00 pm - counter strike on his 4 GB RAM laptop
4:00 pm - hits the gym
5:00 pm - hits the swimming pool
6:00 pm - play pool or cards with colleagues
7:00 pm - hits the stripclub with colleagues
8:30 pm - arrives at home with flowers , lies about an extended meeting with clients and how much inexperienced his team in india is and tht he has to handle all the work.
9:00 pm - while making love calls his wife by the strippers name by mistake
9:30 pm - still arguing about the name being of a business client ( imagine "oh sarah i love screwing u again and again")
10:00 pm - decides he has lost the argument , reconciles to the couch
10:30 pm - decides since he has nothin to do to talk to the team in india.

Results Comparison
1.Guy in India - No appraisals (Reason given: US slowdown , Actual Reason : US guy takes all the credit )
Guy in US - Heavy Appraisal ( Since a certain fixed amont is allotted to a team n the lack of appraisal has to be balanced somewher u see!!)
2.Guy in India - Obesity due to constant junk food in office daily and no time for gym workout , suffers a massive coronary in a decade or two (exception being he gets married and wife stops the supply chain for food)
Guy in US - Fit at the age of 60 also due to regular swimming and gyming.
3. Guy in India - Sex only once if lucky on the first night of marriage.(remember after u slog ur ass off for 12 hrs daily u sure as hell cant hunt for GF's and off course there are no strip clubs in india. the closest alternative being self independent
Guy in US - Sex ( 3 times a week or more for sure from wife if he is so drunk not to remember the strippers name and blurt it out at home , else u always have the option of extending the business meeting before returning home.