3 x 3 x 3, thats how a techie dates !!!

Well so whats this 3 x 3 x 3 and how does it provide us insights into how a techie dates?

3 days 3 dates of 3 hrs each ...

Bangalore is the city of software engineers... u throw a pebble in a crowd n if u r lucky enough u will end up witnessing a miracle else u will see the forces of gravity in play and the pebble hitting a software engineer.

A typical techie passes out of engineering where he has obviously spent 4 years hoping to hone his dating skills because somehow deep inside he knws tht this might well be the last chance tht girls wld be compelled to spend time with them since they r in the same class... and as they will come to knw in the near future that they cannot be terminated from office for approaching a girl which might be considered right the first time but the second time around is eligible for a case on sexual harassment[this clause is actually from my company's sexual harassment rules document]

Now some techies are lucky enough and manage to grab a lesson or two in college about girls, while the not so lucky ones are left behind in the race and after a year or two into their IT jobs they realize that they havnt had the opportunity to explore the better things in life. So now the guy starts to explore ways to meet up with the fairer sex. Now there is a saying in the services industry that "the dateablity of a girl is inversely proportional to the amount of technical role she plays in the project". So if we purely go by this logic the geeky girl right next to u who is an expert in error handling in C++ is not the one whom u would wanna date but it would rather be the hot HR girl. But dude lets be practical here that hot HR girl is way out of ur league so basically u need to look up someone who is kind of into project management, someone who is not a techie but not an HR personal also, lets call her "lucky", as she might be the one.

So once the techie decides on the girl the next step in the algorithm is to let the girl knw... n this is where the social networking skills of a techie namely his Facebook account comes into picture, he first adds the next cubicle geeky girl in his Facebook and then waits for lucky to comment on geeky's status updates, so that he can come up with a smart ass comment which displays his sense of humour and his availability for single ladies. As the comments become frequent he takes a calculated risk and adds lucky to his friend list and now has free access to Facebook chats with her.

The next step in the process after establishing contact is to ask lucky out, now this turns out to be really tricky... this is where the iterative waterfall model concept actually helps the techie [ya i knw and u thought that it was used in SDLC]... he has repeatedly analysed every approach possible and the possible replies and has come out with a fool proof code to ask the girl out and decides to unit test the same on geeky... geeky being geeky finds a possible exit situation and after which the techie has to redo his code and uses it on lucky. Lucky being the resource allocator for the project knws tht the techie is being benched next week so even if things get messy she wld not have to deal with techie later on so she agrees to meet him on the weekend and they end up exchanging their numbers.

Weekend comes techie and lucky both expect the other to call them up... sat passes without any events and techie feels haunted by the idea of another weekend alone but on Saturday night lucky pings techie and asks why techie didnt call her??? techie unaware of the universal protocol tht a guy needs to call the girl even though they both might have each others numbers immediately decides on rectifying his mistake calls lucky up and fixes a time to pick lucky up for dinner.

Day 1, Date 1

1st hr: Basic chit chat.. exchanging pleasantries, few comments on each other's looks and out of courtesy asking the other person to choose the restaurant for dinner, this is quite like walking on thin ice for the techie ... he needs to ensure that lucky likes the food and the price should be just right neither too expensive indicating him to be a show off or too cheap ending up labeling him "the stingy techie"

2nd hr: There are few restaurants that fits "the date restaurant"... characteristics being it serves non Indian food[an indication of how truly globalized the techie is], dim lighting preferably candle lights around and preferably light music with a low noise ratio so that conversation is not hampered. Even though techie and lucky both love Indian food but majboori mein they end up eating Italian/Mexican/oriental food.

3rd hr: The drop home... now it doesnt matter if the girl lives in the other corner of the city or maybe outside it the techie is always like the knight in shinning armour on a royal equine(read techie on a friend's borrowed bajaj) ready to provide lucky a drop home. So after riding for hlf hr to reach her place and as lucky walks back to her place the techie comes up with a lame excuse to let lucky know tht he has nothing to do at home and maybe she could give him company for some more time.

Day 2, Date 2

1st hr: Techie makes plans to take lucky for a movie after the office hrs, lucky plays along although she is not a movie buff... whn they reach the theatre techie wants to see inception a psychological thriller were as lucky wants to see the charming imran khan in "i hate luv stories"... to which they have an argument to which they decide that maybe they should spend more time over a cofee with each other than some stupid movie. So another hr in a coffee shop chit chatting about each othrs, techie is slowly realizing that at this rate he will soon run out of significant events he can narrate to lucky.

2nd hr: Dinner time: turns out that lucky is a veggy "one of those mother earth supporters" so the techie , while having ghaas phoos is all like kahan social activist ke saath phass gaya ... he also ends up learning some valuable lessons that whether a girl is a concerned citizen or a drunk diva women check out othr women and tht they actually tlk with each othr(aankhon aankhon mein) ..they do smthin like this with fluttering eyes "ha ha look at those shoes they so do not match with the color of ur belt" to which the replies in morse code from the othr set of eyes deciphered looks like "@#!$ u biatch !!!"

3rd hr: The drop home... a hlf hr ride ... this time around without a reason lucky hints techie to stay back n walk around near her apartment, techie almost taken aback by this sudden request starts thinking about the implications of such an SR... [now ladies out there reading this blog never hurl a sudden bouncer to a techie his mind is not hardwired for such things]... implications might lead to complications

Day 3, Date 3

1st hr: @CCD, Techie realizes his blood caffeine levels are rising at an alarming rate ... lucky realizes tht they hav nothing in common and anything worth talkin about each other was done n over ... techie starts feeling that the grass is greener on the other side and starts appreciating the virtual mother nature on his laptop... lucky starts feeling she was better off drinking champagne celebrating single life with her girl friends

2nd hr: A phone call allows lucky to make an excuse and move out to a corner and talk for hlf hr eventhough it might actually hav been a call from one of those credit card issuing agents... while techie involves himself with snake II 3D on his phone, realizing thts much more fun... both techie n lucky decide to walk around on deserted road hoping tht maybe open air wld bring out some feelings but mother nature didnt end up helping the two...

3rd hr: The drop home ... hlf hr ride n this time no one wants to stay back and walk n talk...

The aftereffects

Techie decides he is going to concentrate on his project more and stick to his side of the river...

Lucky decides its time she excerices her power as the resource allocator of the project...

The learnings

3x3x3 is way too fast an algorithm to be applied to dating ... u need to understand the importance of ideal time because even machines cant handle continuous processing [my lappy's motherboard burnt out :( due to excessive heat {unnecessary detail provided with expectations of consolation comments}]

The end result

3 x 3 x 3 = the techie being benched, with some initiation from lucky

and that my friend is the 3 x 3 x 3 ...

The thing about woman riders ...

Whats the worst thing about woman riders?
If she turns out to be Hot and u want to follow them u need to ride at par or lesser, painstaking speed ... (JAB)

P.S. : It just happenned to me the post follows soon...

The Post:

A regular Thursday morning, an irregular event to follow...

I have never followed a girl on bike before for reasons i don’t know (actually I have never thought about it until today), neither was I in a state to think clearly today morning, sometimes things just happen and u follow the tide instead of swimming against it... I was taking my bike out from the compound when a girl in black helmet, pink check shirt, a matching flowing check mini skirt, skin colour stockings and high heels (whats are the chances according to u that i noticed these things in the same order... no points to guess that !!!)passed me on a scooty at .5x live speed, it was as if time had slowed down the frames moving slowly allowing me to absorb the mornings fresh air and fresh scenery.I immediately decided to follow her, my first mistake of the day!!!

[Now let me rewind back a little ...not much a day or two... Let me make u acquainted as to what my reaction would have been if the same thing would have happened a day or two earlier ...Even if god would have actually slowed down the scene to .25x speed my mind would still be processing tasks in queue from previous days and it would have been such that next morning I would have looked into thin air and said "Damn!! that girl is HOT"...
Not to be i have had my release just 2 days back and we are back to the beginning of a software cycle with the design phase.

Now any engineer can relate to the corporate Ohms law
The software engineer's free time (current) is directly proportional to the time to deadline (voltage).

And believe me I was literally short circuited for 2 days...]

Well I was up for a social experiment whose results I knew already [reminds me of my physics experiments in class 11th, we knew what the results were still we followed a painstaking 3 hr procedure to get to the result].

I kick started my bike into a roar and let go of the clutch that was my second mistake of the day, at this point I would like to enlighten a few ignorant ppl what "leaving clutch when your accelerator is turned up" would mean ? In terms of theory its equivalent to releasing a compressed spring. In terms of practical aspect its equivalent to ur bikes front wheel being off the ground by a feet and ur rear wheels skiding on road. And only a lucky few can handle the bike when the front wheel touches the ground back. Today was my Lucky day!!! I thought as i landed without skidding.

I followed her slowly, the almost nil traffic in the by lanes of locality allowing me to ride in parallel to her.. I wished like crazy that the traffic at the road joining the main road would be much and we would be stopped and i could sieze the opportunity to initiate a conversation with her saying something as vague as "Damn !!! Such a heavy traffic the day i have an important financial meeting to attend", but nothing like this happened... The main road surprisingly didn’t have any traffic and there was an empty stretch of road and here we both were riding at well below 30 kmph. Let me tell u its very difficult to ride a 160 cc bike at below 30kmph when u have an empty stretch of road. Still i maintained it since i was part of a social experiment and looking at the greater good my pain was immaterial.

I still am not sure what happened did she notice that i was following her or did she think that she was speeding up she suddenly cut the throttle and until unless i would have braked making it pretty obvious that i was following her i could no longer be behind her... I smiled to myself beneath the helmet, “The Hunter had become the hunted". The situation was damn funny i was trying to slow down as much as i could and she would beat me every time. At one point of time i am sure we got overtaken by a kid on his bicycle. That kid gave me a look which i give to others when i speed past a bike moving at 90kmph.

But i am not one to be beaten in any sort of challenge if she thinks she is gonna beat me at being slow damn wrong she cant!!! I skilfully managed to take all the supposedly wrong cuts (on a regular day, right for today) managing to find a vehicle right in front of me so i could apply brake freely. She wasnt a week competitor either, she was skilfully braking at opportune moments but finally she had to give up and at a cross 4 mins from the time i had crossed her she was forced to cross me. Then until the next traffic signal we drove parrallely at what seemed to be a .5x live speed as compared to any other vehicle on road. I was so sure she was a model in one of the events in garuda mall ( after all cant imagine a girl going to office like that unless she was a model), that i made the third mistake of the day. I in my blind hope took the one way to garuda before she did and she took the other route to Richmond Road... It was too late by the time i realized that she had gone the other way, it was a bloody "One Way" and i couldnt risk turning around in front of traffic police. My social experiment had come to an abrupt ending. But the incident had imparted a few words of wisdom which have been quoted in the beginning of the post


P.S. I could have named the post “The three Mistakes on a day in my Life” but seems like some guy called Chetan Bhagat has already stolen the idea and named his book on the same lines so keeping the trend of my ever original post ideas i will have to do with the second most apt name...

Ek Choti si Love Story

I know the first thing that pops up in ur mind when u hear those words is a young guy peeping through a keyhole at Manisha Koirala (these words have been tainted forever i guess). I was quiet taken aback myself when the movies posters hit the town and havent as of today watched the movie and No thats not because i am averse to watching manisha do the bare dare. I am one of the purist who believes in the sanctity of that first love or as people would put it as, a crush on a older women mostly who turns out to be the teacher in ur school. The whole situation is a touchy issue for me and i just could not stand to see it being violated by a shitty movie.

All of us have passed a phase where we have had crushes on our teachers [ya even the ladies ( the only problem is that for them it happens a little later than that for us guys, mostly after 10th standard or in college where as guys mostly enter into this situaton quite early and ya continue it, throughout untill their education continues)]

Let me begin from the begining of my own choti si love story. It was the summer of 99 i was in the 7th standard and we hadnt been allotted a class teacher for a month or so, then one fine day our substitute teacher entered with a new fresh face Stunning !!! i would say... (hot and sexy got added to my vocabulary a good couple of years later... [i am lying here i did use hot ocassionally for indicating temprature of a substance]). She had an amazing walk, sly and subtle at the same time...and smile (my god that smile !!!) [remember the sushmita sen's entry in Main Hoon Na(n No i didnt have imaginary characters playin violin around me)] I didnt have any particular liking for any of my teachers, understandably i wasnt one of the better academic student too, "she was just another addition to the long list" i thought ...boy!! have i ever been this wrong...

That day there were talks (wispers actually) about her whole day in class and i listened quietly(rumours did rounds of how she looked in a pair of jeans with someone claiming that they had seen her like that)... Geography was her subject, another reason to hate her all the more (who needsd to learn how rocks where made ...who cares man !!! i dont !). And as it turned out to be true she was a true taskmistress she gave us loads of homework, lectures on morality and what not ... she even introduced a new punishment technique also, kneeling down in class (he he man that was funny...kneel down and u r out of the line of sight of teachers, opens a whole new set of possiblities ). Before half yearly she had one of her revision sessions where she asked some igneous rock crap and i replied who cares ... Next thing i remember i was in a long line with fellow geniuses who did not give a shit about why lava overflows out of earth to form the molten rock. We were seriously reprimanded in front of the class where the dumb swots smirked at us geniuses ...

The half yearly examinations came and went and it was time for results, results where handed over to parents in elaborate PTA meetings ( Association for making a child's life miserable providing for a common platform for all his criticisers to meet and plot against the poor little kid). I was waiting for dad to come back so i could have a serious dose of scolding, knowing that she must have bitched a lot about me to dad. When dad returned after collecting my report card, he had a look on his face i had never seen in 7 long years of my career of making his life miserable, i blurted out "Dad do not believe a word she has said" ... He replied back "I Dont ...She said that u have a brilliant mind and that u just need some time with the books, dont know where they recruit teachers from nowadays"... Ehmm ...

I left home early next morning, i used to cycle to my school and was a very time efficient guy even at that age, knew all the cut roads and short cuts and made good use of them. But that day morning seemed a lot more cheerfull, birds more chirpier, flowers more colurful. Decided to linger around, took the longer route to school such that i had to cross Madam's house on my way, saw her carrying a heavy bag to school, on some other day i would have increased the speed of my cycle so as not to give her even the slightest chance to ask for help with the bag, that day however i slowed down, got down from cycle and offered to carry the bag , ended up walking her to school (i dont remember the conversation we had on the way to school only the walk!!!...).

That route became my regular for the next year or so where i wished to catch a glance of her, every time i passed that road my head used to turn automatically to her balcony to catch a glimpse of her beauty. The transformation was quite a radical one for my peers, a guy who had no respect for rules raising his hand for being the class monitor ( i think that was the give away where they came to realize that i had a crush on Madam). After a month or so she said in entire class pointing at me that "Look at that boy, he is so disciplinied and cute!!!" [anyone who has seen my junior school pics would know that i made up the cute part] (the rest of the sentence i never heard after all sound cannot travel in a vaccum [nothing was between me and her not even air....]). Tried giving her a pen (that costed me my 2 months pocket money) on Teachers Day [ my version of valentine day in those days] but she refused because of some damn rule against accepting gifts from children.... but she gave me that ultimate smile i had ever seen and brushed my hairs and said Thank You so much in the sweetest of her voice ( there was a moment i felt she would bend down in slow motion and kiss me on my cheeks, but when it didnt happen i did understand that it was inappropriate in school !!! Dammit till date i regret not giving her the pen outside school...)

Talking about change , i started studying for a change [till 6th standard i had this small group of 5 ppl including me, who had this fierce competition among them to outsmart each other in marks NO we were not competing for 1-5 ranks in class rather we looked for 31-35 ranks]. So when the final examinations results came and me and mom came home with my report card atleast one of us was on top of the world and it clearly wasnt me!!! She called up my Dad and told him, (guess she couldnt wait till he returned back home), [there was this colleague of my dad (whose son was in my class and was a constant 5th ranker) who always used to compare us both ... i hope dad didnt tell him to ^&*% !#*] afterall i think it was nothing of a big deal i was just ranked 20 and my brother used to be one of the constant top five in his class, and he never got a treat for his results... maybe mom forgot to mention the actual rank in all the excitement ... Anyways i came to realize the advantages of studying all thanks to Madam :) ....( she is what a real teacher should be like one who inspires the child from within to study instead of making him swot and mug) ...

Madam had a friend staying near my house so one fine day in evening when i was returning from my regular evening cricket matches i saw her near my house, she saw me and we talked , i invited her to my house for cofee and she said that she would definitely come along on her way back from her friends house... I rushed home had a quick bath ( i never had baths in evening no matter how bad i smell... ) went straight to my study table to clean it up ( i never cleaned my study table ever in my life neither allowed anyone to [my mom made it a point to do so once in 2 weeks when she had lost something in that royal mess usually when i was away and unsuspecting in school]) opened a geography book and sat in front of it. My mother was watching all this silently and from a distance, when she had made sure that i had cleaned up everything (clever mom), she came to me with a thermometer told me to open my mouth and thrusted it inside, asked me if i was feeling allright or not. I had to convince that nothing was wrong with me and i was perfectly sane!!! (believe me it took quiet some efforts on my part!!). I waited at my table whole evening with my geography book opened up expecting mom to call me "Their is a fine lady at the door asking for u!! son" ....

I faced the situation quiet boldly i must say... very mature of me i must say ...not one act of violence on my part ... not one shatterred window of her house ... [I was shatterred!! what use was their to shatter anything more] ... I did the most mature thing anyone could do - found a rebound girl[the first girl i could lay my eye on the next day, used to sit next to me in class ), proposed her on the next valentine day(14th feb wala)...got rejected but pursued it after all i knew that this was a feasible one unlike my Choti Story. I grew out of my crush slowly and came to accept the fact that Madam was 10 yrs elder to me ... believe me all broken hearts out there that time is the greatest healer ever...

After a year she left school , she was getting married and she shifted to pune ... She moved on with her life , I moved on with mine ...

PS: The rebound girl also never accepted my proposal

PS: I rose like a phoenix from the ashes with a sense of humour and fully Awsome!!! never to see a simliar situation ever again.

Date @ Barista...

Sunday mornings are a boring lot in bangalore, people prefer not to get up from there beds before noon (or maybe incapacitated to do so by the previous nights hangover). But life is unpredictably funny providing me with stuffs to write about at the most unexpected place and time. Sitting in Barista in kormangala, i am busy sipping my coffee [not the real reason why i was in Barista, i bought a laptop recently and was there solely for the wifi {i am flat broke after i have bought the laptop (i have only a few hundred bucks and a bundle of sodexos to support my food supply) and cannot afford the net connection till next months salary gets credited, but such trivial things definitely does not prevent me from sitting in barista for hrs sipping air from my coffee mug which held the shit expensive coffee maybe 2 hrs back, and surfing net}].

I noticed a guy walking up to the table next to me who looked around first and then sat slowly and then took out a chit and started memorizing it , "must be formulas for an upcoming GRE or GMAT", i thought, impressive!! optimizing time while waiting for GF perhaps... Quite unusual to be done in barista but look who's talking about unusual stuff... an air sipper!!!.
After about 15 mins a hot chic walked in (i have this knack of sensing hot chics around me, its something like two opposite EM waves one from each of us sexy ppl forms a standing wave resulting in a pause in the space-time continuum resulting in instant fatal attraction ...). She was walking straight towards me , my senses were on a high alert, i noticed that the guy dropped his chit (i would have dropped the laptop myself at that moment) but then i realized that he had carefully lowered his hand and rolled the chit away from himself (the same way that a student cheating in exams disposes the chit and expects the teacher hasnt seen him doing it...). The hottie stopped right next to him and then asked for his name and sat down. I believe u cant judge a person from the first impression and mostly my second evaluation of a person is very accurate , on my second evaluation the girl wasn't all that hot , just another average bangalore girl... Not my kind u see!!! they have to have something special to really stir me up (clear indication that the grapes were sour)...

All this build up had made me really curious about it all... was one of them a hired assassin, or was i in midst of a drug deal!!! I noticed that the paper he had rolled away wasnt far from my table, continuing in a covert way i dropped my pen to make my pick legitimate... And then the truth dawned upon me, and i could see everything clearly... There was more here to the situation than that met the eyes... I am pasting the snapshot of the crumbled paper i took back at home below...

I am rearranging the sequence for my convenience to describe the situation however the words are exactly the same as I found

How to court a girl
1. make eye contact
2. be soft spoken
3. make friends with her friends
4. keep the meeting short
5. make occasions to see and meet her
6. make sure she wishes u when u meet her the next time
7. a mail or a call a day keeps ur sweetheart ...(the text here wasn’t decipherable)
8. beat around the bush before saying ILU

What happened next is equivalent to what happens to a CAT candidate who has prepared for 6 months for one D day...

I know how difficult it is to keep looking into a hot girls eyes ( when was the last time u where talking to a girl and ur eyes didn’t wander downwards), I guess he didn’t want to make that mistake, he took the "making eye contact" point too seriously not taking off his eyes from hers even when he was offering her a cup of tea... He spilled it right on her top. She was appalled and shrieked at him for ruining her expensive dress.

He managed the soft spoken part quite skillfully i guess that was his second nature, being yelled at wasn’t new to him, it seemed.

After she had calmed down he moved over to the third point in agenda, "enquiring about friends"... he carried on... "Who is ur best friend??"“Where does she live", "What does she do", what’s her favorite color??"?????
Now all this is really nice being concerned about her friend but I would definitely have preferred to do so after I had known all these facts about the Person about whose friends I am enquiring about... U should know that sequence handling is an important feature while executing an algorithm. Now i am sure the girl didn’t mistake his over enthusiasm into her girlfriend as anything more than trying to know "her better" or maybe "her girlfriend better".

"Keep the meeting short"- he didn’t have to work on this point at all, the above events made sure that this point would go on smooth as a hot knife in butter.

I don’t know how points 5 onwards worked in his favor but let me guess...

"make occasions to see and meet her": i am sure he would have had a difficult time to do this equipped with her best friends schedule which he got out of her.

"make sure she wishes u when u meet her the next time" : This would be really funny to see if he makes a point to make this point happen... Imagine a girl trying to avoid u among a crowd and u bound on getting her to wish u no matter what... ( holding a gun to her head n soft spokenly "Wish me"!!!)

"a mail or a call a day keeps ur sweetheart..": I wonder at this point if she would have changed her phone number or mail id or both...

"beat around the bush before saying ILU": I saw him beating around the bush whole of that "first date", even the bush could not take any more beating it seemed. Hope he got a second chance for "ILU" part.

P.S. (For the guy who is the subject here)
Now I am not sure how good i am at summarizing situations, this is completely my viewpoint of the situation that might have been after the "first date" and i have no supporting facts for the same so forgive me...

P.S (For the same guy who is the subject here)
You should have been more careful while disposing the evidences, after all Thank Dear God that it landed in the hands of a blogger and not a reporter of Aaj Tak otherwise this story would be running on News Channel for 2 days, at least with me u can be sure only geeky people like urself would come to know about it and will not feel offended because they can very well relate to ur situation

P.S. (For all the hot girls who went to Barista on a Sunday for a "first date" with a geeky guy and ended up with coffee spilled on to u)
If u haven’t found someone yet u can drop ur phone numbers in my mailbox. My list is a lot better than this guy's and I have back up plans also!!!.

Superman Anna !!!

People who have enjoyed my previous 2 writeup's have some how or other been in a position where they could relate with the context of the whole thing, this one however i am not sure if any of you (unless u have been dragged by me into it) have found urself in.
Well to set up the premise let me tell u one thing that i did my Btech from VIT Vellore which meant that I had to stay in vellore, Tamil Nadu for 4 years(minimum) to graduate.[Detailed posts of VIT will be put up when permissions of copyright is brought from my various friends (i am quite afraid of being dragged to court for defamation cases)]
So there I was with my dad at the university gates, he thanking god that i had gotten admission into an engineering institute (happy that the college (and not him) would have to bear with me for the next 4 yrs ) and I praying to god that there be theatre's in this god forsaken town (ya thats right I was more concerned about the theatres than ragging, hostel life and the Engineering Course itself ). Already on my way to the college from the railway station I had caught a glimpse of a theatre [a glimpse because the poster was one of those kinds which u would stare at with friends making detailed analysis comprehending the inner meanings (none whatsoever the director intended in putting on the poster {two girls and a guy in compromising positions!!!(i wonder what inner meaning the director could put in between them ...)}) and when with your parents u would act as if it never existed even if it were as big as the theatre screen itself and u were standing a foot away from it ]. India is a hypocritical nation, love is one subject where we have only theory classes and no practicals (nor are we allowed to watch other people practice).
[Now there is only one thing that makes my knees wobble and mouth drool(no its not porn , if i wanted to watch that i would prefer quality NA flicks than some tamil sleazefest). I am crazy about english movies in general, crazy here may be an understatement because sometimes i just cant wait for the movies to be released. If a hyped movie is supposed to release on friday, i start getting goosebumps from thursday itself and if they are based on comic superheroes that would be the thursday of the earlier week.]
The next day as soon as dad left, we a group of 4-5 ppl went out to explore the town, came to know that Bruce Almighty was playing in vishnu theatre and went for the movie. The movie was a shitty one (nowhere close to Jim Carrey's earlier works) but I was ecstatic (for 18 yrs i had lived in Bokaro, Jharkhand. People there where hardly intrested in watching movies in theatre when they could watch the same in the comfort of their homes which explained the pathetic conditions of the theatres there. They never used to play english movies there). One reason i was excited about shifting south was that there were more possibilities of watching english movies on bigger screens. The movie buff in me didnt know that Bruce Almighty was the last english movie that i was gonna watch in vellore. No i didnt die the next day neither did Vishnu Theatre close down. The truth was to dawn upon me next week...

Terminator 3 posters were all over town , somehow i couldnt find terminator written anywhere on the posters instead i could only see scribblings in a scripture unknown to me ( i convinced myself that it must be publicity gimmick and the language of the future robots). Ya right !!(language of future robots)! i was that dumb those days[i dont know how much improvement/damage the IT virus has done to this pentium -1]. There is nothing in this world (maybe something alien can one day come close) that can match Arnold, who has just launched a rocket missile on Kristanna Loken and in wooden expression smirks and says "Enna Rascala !! Mind it...". Ya i sat through a whole english movie and didnt hear any english word except maybe "robot" and "machine". Instead i was bombarded with tamil slangs whenever Arnie was angry.

They dont release English movies in English in Tamil Nadu except Chennai ... This is meant to be a reward to the tamilians for being such movie fanatics that the Govt feels they should listen to Arnie n Sly converse in their own native language. A win win situation for all since movies dubbed in tamil attract the local crowds and increase ticket sales. Only that no one gives a shit about guys like us. Thank god they dont dub tamil movie in english in Tamil Nadu itself for global crowd otherwise we would be torchered to death with dialogues like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2U8YR5VdUs

Adaptation is the cumulative effect, while each mutation is random... I soon started adapting to the new environment variables, I took XYZ a namesake tamilian from chennai who has been in UAE his entire life as my translator to the movies, a guy who couldnt differentiate between a thambi (younger brother) and a thendi(rascal,loafer)...
and then a string of movies followed...
Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid in which Morris Chestnut breaks into a jingle of "Apdi pode pode pode" on his boat. The hunters will become the hunted , was suppossed to be the tagline ...
The Day After Tomorrow : An epic tamil venture about global warming..
And the biggest of all ...
I watched 'The Matrix Revolutions' which was the much-anticipated conclusion to the Wachowski Brothers' cultic sci-fi trilogy, whose previous entries were 'The Matrix' and 'The Matrix Reloaded. The matrix trilogy was a mindgame, completely mental. It was an examination of reality, both real reality (if there is such a distinction) and percieved reality, and all that happens in your head. Now to emphasize the situation i found myself in trying to make sense of the movie when i couldn't even remotely make sense of the dialogues itself, i am including 2 links here where the various fans have tried to interpret the movie and the ending.
http://www.thematrix101.com/contrib/rev_theories.php
http://www.thematrix101.com/revolutions/meaning.php

There have been times in vellore when i have been in a theatre watching Kangaroo Jack [this was in english , guess they realized no one (not even tamilians) would watch it even if they dubbed in tamil ] with only one other guy in the balcony along with me, where we both helped the guy load the projector with the reel [he insisted that we put in the advertisement reels before the movie reel even though we tried convincing him that no matter what, we will never end up buying the saries from the ads] and then help the old guy to the balcony seat and make it to the centre of the theatre hall before intermission, when its again time to change the projector reel.

Superman Returns was probably the last time i saw an english movie dubbed in tamil. Somehow the whole movie going experience is elevated to an unmatched level when common man looks at the sky and shouts "Superman Anna vanthuttaanya vanthuttaan ".(superman bro has returned). Makes u feel that much more closer to superman as if he is ur own elder brother. The only thing i dont approve of is changing character names, no matter however minor the role is, Lex Luthor's dog was called subramanian (i am not trying to create controversies here if there are any superstars in south with the same name, and before i start getting hate mails from his fans I would tell them to go grab a copy of Superman Returns dubbed in tamil and validate the aforementioned fact) [by the way if u think that the dog was not so important, the dog had lines in the movie (he barked!!!) unlike Kal Penn who didnt speak a word through out the movie]
Well whatever might be the case, 4 yrs in vellore has certainly helped me add to my skill set, which now includes watching silent movies or movies in languages i cant make head and tail of (without sub titles off course). It also has made me appreciate the virtue called patience.
Writing this post on the eve of the release of "The Incredible Hulk", I thank god that i will be hearing Edward Nortan yell "HULK SMASH" and not "HULK udaichuruvaen" in a rage while tearing apart the New York City.

Ripped Off ...

The most pathetic thing about a software guy in bangalore is that he has lots of cash to dispense but no time for the same, so he lives life king size whenever he can. An ideal IT bachelor nerd slogs his ass off for 12 hrs a day and lives off McD's and pizza huts junk food. On weekends starts off with a home delivery of Dominos giving a whole new meaning to bed n breakfast, culminating into a greasy sweaty mess. Here in this case it doesnt even help if u have a girlfriend or not, because that would mean if not in bed (hoping that the landlords do not allow entry to GF's) then its the outlet in forum. Instead i think it gets worse with the couples hanging around all food joints [have u ever wondered why couples do not hang out at a joggers park, running together spending some quality time sweating n staying in shape,Off course not !!! my god if thats ur idea of a date and not hanging out in McD or PVR with burgers and popcorns then that certainly explains why u r single!!!]-(i know the brackets n detours r getting on ur nerve but what the heck i am the one who is in control so just read on) puttin the weight together (poking each other about weight problems is the sweetest game couples indulge in, they wouldnt want to be in shape just because if they do that then they are hardly left with anythin to do!!! ).
Ya so i will come back to the bachelor IT guy/gal[let me ensure u that i am not an MCP and here onwards when i say guy it means a human being in general] nerdo who doesnt have a GF/BF, [when u start looking for sales offers like one i came across sometime back, it was Wrangler or Lee (not sure which one) they offerred discounts depending on waist size, "if u have a waist of 44 u get a 44% discount and so forth". Imagine ur obsession with discounts, thinking in mind damn it would have been a steal if i could have made that extra 2%].

So the person is left with 2 options

1. To renounce junk food and beer[I am sure the first option hasnt even crossed minds of the guy who is naive enough not to realize that this would be the cheaper and painless option]
2. VLCC [Ya this was the most intelligent way out n maybe painless too but then u think common who needs whatever they offer there at 20,000 for 10 kgs loss, "mard ban yaar" calls out the inner voice, u can burn it out the natural way so u opt for option 3]
3. Join gym [U r further motivated at the thought of sexy girls sweating it out in tight gymwear, maybe u end up with a hot instructor(easiest way to come in contact with a hot girl, if u r one of those loser kinds): The Real reason u went with option 3]

So the guy goes to the expert friend who is hitting the gym day in n day out with a vengeance, goes to a total rip fitness with him and enrolls himself for a "Personnel workout session Package" which comes with an instructor free of cost [ya thats actually a discount offer (i can see some gleaming eyes there)].
The first day in GYM (oops u r corrected by the instructer u r in a "total rip fitness institute"), at first sight u see huge muscular guys with amazing physique, admiring them (blurred pics of urs with ur head n their bodies pop up in ur mind) and think that all the hot girls must be hiding behind them. Suddenly the truth dawns upon u , the muscular guys r the instructors , when the greek god like instructors moved out of ur line of sight, there were the mere mortals in all their human forms how should i delicately put the description of those gym beauties "They were FAT" , they were anything but normal women in trendy outfits, designer wears (doesnt matter if those waist sizes where manufactured clearly on demand) with make up. U r dissapointed and but still u manage a smile thinking after all they have joined the "total rip fitness institute" to get back in shape and being an account holder of ShareKhan, u know market investments do pay dividends in the long run [so invest in those to be hotties in gym n when the "to be" becomes "become" , reap the dividends]. Dazed from the initial shock u look for ur instructor (ya the free one), he turns out to be the god of greek gods and u blurt out "What do u ?? How do u ?? Where do u ?? " a little gayish for the first words to ur instructor, dont u think?.
He makes out that u r new to the gym n tells u to warm up [no the instructor wasnt gay , he meant 10 mins of jogging to loosen the body muscles ] , u finish off the jogging enthusiastically and as soon as u finish instead of catching a breath or two u run to the instructor (remember in kindergarten when u solved a question n ran to ur teacher). He feels a threat that u r in a mood to stay in gym, so gives u the royal treatment!!. The instructor makes u do 100 sit ups gives u credit for 60, while doing crunches he says common man one more set , u sum up all ur strength and make it happen and he says "one more", u ask "is this the last one" and he says "yes it is" and then he says "one more" , makes u cry with only their words thats their real super power. The really low moment comes when when a women nearby does 20 bench press and u manage(with great difficulty) to do 5. Finally the day comes to an end thats when u notice that ther r a few hot girls around, instructors r busy stretching them out sexual tension lingering between them[makes u wanna be an instructor deep inside].
U convince urself that first week is the hardest, if i can scrap through it i will get along. Next day morning when u get up the pain makes u finally conclude that the whole idea to pay someone to make them make u lift weights is pretty stupid.
After a day u can lift the spoon to ur mouth(only 24 hrs u were spoon fed by ur roomie, not bad for the IRONMAN)
After 2 days u can move ur legs and lift ur arms till shoulder height.
After a week u realize that Yes "first week is the hardest", because it takes at least a week to fully recuperate from the intial days onslaught, then the life just gets back to normal, being the mere mortal that we are we surely should not aspire to be a demigod.
And now for the title of the blog even though they couldnt rip off the fat from my body, i still got ripped off my hard earned IT cash.

12 Hrs or 180 degrees

Life of a Software Professional (devloper, bachelor, living in bangalore, India)
8:30 am - Alarm Rings
8:31 am - Alarm clock flys across the room to the other end
8:35 am - Drags himself out of the bed
8:40 am - Bathroom details would be vulgar at such respected blogspot
9:00 am - drive to office(most probably on a second hand bike remember he is a devloper and a bachelor), shouts a few obscenities at his fellow drivers in the heavy traffic whn he hits or bumps another vehicle.
9:30 am - Enter cafeteria (off course this is the first place u visit in office) [oily puri or iddli dosa and tea]
10:00 am - Start with reading mails (official, unofficial(fwds, love mails frm distant girlfriends) , scraps(orkut facebook n ten othr social sites)[dissapointment - only 5 scraps from the last time u logged out at midnight]
10:30 am - US Boss pings u , tells u to join a call (u wonder about his capacity to work, always in awe of his dedication to work)
11:30 am - still on call with boss, discussion shifts to the various agendas for the day
12:00 noon - the call comes to an end. A bug has been reported by QA (boss says high priority).
12:30 pm - u r frantically searching for the QA guy (off course he wont be online, off to lunch probably). since u decide u cant proceed (as the steps to reproduce the bug is written in some sort of cryptic QA shorthand u cant decipher), u open ur orkut account n timepass.
1:00 pm - still no sign of the QA guy, u decide its time for ur lunch
2:00 pm - At last both the QA and devloper are online, together they sync up and try to reproduce the bug.
3:00 pm - bug not reproducible. Closed as "Not Reproducible".
3:30 pm - bug reopened by another QA guy.
4:00 pm - another frantic search for the QA guy (not online), after lingering around for some time u move to the TT room. Lucky ! u find the guy there, since u r frustrated u challenge him for a game ( the bet being u win he closes the bug and reopens it after 2 days). U loose ! u argue it was best of 3, U loose all 3.[the QA guy has been practising 3 hrs daily while u hardly get an hr ]
5:00 pm - The same bug is somehow now reproducible.
6 pm - 10 pm -U work ur ass off trying to apply all the software knowledge frm the memory bank of ur brain. [meanwhile since u have stayed late ordered for extra large pizza with double cheese layers, make sure u got the bill and submit it for reimbursement benifits].
10:30-11:00pm - Ur US boss joins u, both try to debug together.
11:30 pm - US boss decides too much to handle, if it can be somehow reproduced in older versions of product lets close as the base bug (not part of our enhancement so does not come in our queue) [Close as Not Applicable ]
12:00 midnight - a silent drive back home unlike the one in morning since the roads are deserted.
12:30 am - hit the sack.


Life of a US Software Professional ( technical manager, married, lives in CA,US)
[lets start the schedule from his night to be in sync with the guy in India, lets assume an exact 12 hrs difference]
10:30 pm - fought with wife , on the couch (thrown out from bedroom), no sleeping pills decides to talk to his team in india.
11:30 pm - tell the team in india how important deadlines are and how important it is for his career that the team meets those deadlines ( small talk here n there about an appraisal to kep the team motivated)
12:00 midnight - finds a bug that was in queue for a week , assigns it to the indian guy with high priority. pops in 2 sleeping pills
12:30 am - hits the sack (slang for bed , here means the couch)
8:30 am - wife knocks him off the couch
9:00 am - has a breakfast of cereals and freshly cut vegetables
9:30 am - drops wife to her office
10:00 am -reads mails
10:30 am - joins the indian guy to debug the issue
11:30 am - frustrated , decides too much to handle, if it can be somehow reproduced in older versions of product lets close as the base bug (not part of our enhancement so does not come in our queue) [Close as Not Applicable ]
12:00 noon - lunch
2:00 pm - counter strike on his 4 GB RAM laptop
4:00 pm - hits the gym
5:00 pm - hits the swimming pool
6:00 pm - play pool or cards with colleagues
7:00 pm - hits the stripclub with colleagues
8:30 pm - arrives at home with flowers , lies about an extended meeting with clients and how much inexperienced his team in india is and tht he has to handle all the work.
9:00 pm - while making love calls his wife by the strippers name by mistake
9:30 pm - still arguing about the name being of a business client ( imagine "oh sarah i love screwing u again and again")
10:00 pm - decides he has lost the argument , reconciles to the couch
10:30 pm - decides since he has nothin to do to talk to the team in india.

Results Comparison
1.Guy in India - No appraisals (Reason given: US slowdown , Actual Reason : US guy takes all the credit )
Guy in US - Heavy Appraisal ( Since a certain fixed amont is allotted to a team n the lack of appraisal has to be balanced somewher u see!!)
2.Guy in India - Obesity due to constant junk food in office daily and no time for gym workout , suffers a massive coronary in a decade or two (exception being he gets married and wife stops the supply chain for food)
Guy in US - Fit at the age of 60 also due to regular swimming and gyming.
3. Guy in India - Sex only once if lucky on the first night of marriage.(remember after u slog ur ass off for 12 hrs daily u sure as hell cant hunt for GF's and off course there are no strip clubs in india. the closest alternative being self independent
Guy in US - Sex ( 3 times a week or more for sure from wife if he is so drunk not to remember the strippers name and blurt it out at home , else u always have the option of extending the business meeting before returning home.